Episode 11

The One About Inner Validation with Sarah Ann LaFleur

Published on: 28th March, 2024

In this week's episode, I speak to Sarah Ann LaFleur, a trauma-informed relationship counsellor, writer, and post-lineage yoga teacher. You might know her from Instagram where she shares education on trauma and the healing process with over 102,000 followers!

Tune in to hear us talking about:

  • The truth about seeking validation externally, versus inner or self-validation
  • The profound healing of IFS (internal family systems)and parts work
  • The impact and legacy we create for the next generation by integrating our parts and doing healing work
  • How to make sense of nuance and hold more than one truth
  • The pros and cons of different therapeutic settings (coaching vs therapy)

And, in this week's behind-the-scenes 'The Patron Part with Sarah Ann LaFleur' Sarah shares her thoughts on sobriety, rule-breaking and a defining moment in her maturity.

Become a subscriber to 'The Patron Part' of the podcast for just £5. (or by joining The Maven Haven®️)

Find out more about the podcast, all the perks of becoming a patron, and leave me a voice note testimonial here: https://www.ebonieallard.com/podcast

Meet Sarah Ann LaFleur:

Sarah Ann LaFleur is an IFS therapist who specializes in trauma, addiction, and relationships. She helps people become the loving adults they needed when they were younger.

She helps people recover from complex trauma and dysfunctional family dynamics. She uses her platform to educate and advocate around complex trauma and relational intimacy. Facilitates embodied practice in her community, as well as sharing her own story through poetry and story medicine.

Connect with Sarah:

https://www.instagram.com/sarahanntherapy

https://www.sarahannlafleur.net/

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If you want to take the next step on your journey of empowerment, embodiment and full self-expression, Ebonie's signature tool is called 'The value Filter' (aka YOUR COMPASS)and is a prerequisite for any deeper programs, you can find more information about it here and if you're not ready for that, I highly recommend joining our free monthly community call

To talk to Ebonie about anything in this episode you can whatsapp her or DM her on Instagram.

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Transcript
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Today's guest is a licenced counsellor, a trauma educator

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and IFS practitioner who is passionate about helping people

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recover from relational trauma and dysfunctional family

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dynamics. You might know her from Instagram where she shares

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information on healing and the healing journey with over

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100,000 followers. I loved this conversation. Today's guest is

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Sarah Ann LaFleur. And we are talking about invalidation and

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parts work, integration work. I loved this conversation because

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I feel like she held the two parts of being both a licenced

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counsellor, and also a coach and a creative and a woman who's

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living her own story really, really well. I hope that you get

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a lot from this episode. If you do if you enjoy it, please let

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her know please let me know. And please share it with a friend

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who you think could benefit from this episode. Thank you so much.

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Let me know how you get on. Enjoy. You are listening to

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adulting with Ebonie season seven brings together

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neurodiversity Human Design and embodiment so that Gen X or

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millennial misfits and late diagnosed neurospices become

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empowered, embodied and fully expressed. This is the show

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where I actively encourage you to feel your feelings rather

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than think that glow up, not grow up and become full of

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yourself. Because who the fuck else should you be full of each

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week I have real and raw conversations about what it

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takes to be fully resourced and have happy, healthy, intimate

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relationships as a dopamine deficient adult wanting to

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create a better future by being the change that you want to see

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in the world. I'm your host Ebonie Allard aka Ebonie Alchemy

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late diagnosed audHDr combined type and aspergers in case you'd

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like specifics artist, mystic and self actualization

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facilitator, I'm an international award winning

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multiple brain integration technique master coach with

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special interest in embodied human design for Neuro

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divergence. I've been in the personal development creativity

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and entrepreneurship spaces all of my life and as a five to

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emotional manifesting generator with a left angle cross of

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distraction. I am here to help you know what to trust, and what

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to tune out each week I share relatable practical ways that

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mean, you get to take less responsibility for more reward,

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and safely remove your camouflage for more belonging,

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acceptance and fulfilment. Ready, let's go.

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Hey, my love, thank you so much for coming on and having this

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conversation with me.

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Thanks for having me. I'm so excited.

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I'm excited, because we are going to talk a little bit about

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parts integration, a little bit about inner validation. And for

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me, those are two of the I like working with those themes,

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looking at that stuff. That and interoception have changed my

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life the most and enabled me to adult the most. And so that's

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why I reached out to you. And when you said yes, I was like,

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Oh, yes, we're good to have conversations, it's going to

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help so many people.

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Yeah, wonderful. I mean, these are my favourite subjects to

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talk about. And I agree with you, too, that those practices

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have been, at least for me personally, most helpful. Of

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course, there's other practices that I think are important for

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trauma recovery, and for kind of finding yourself, but I feel

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like parts work in particular, it gives you this level of depth

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and this dimension to your process that other modalities

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don't always speak to. So really excited to talk about it.

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And I kind of feel like, for me, at least my journey into that

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kind of work, was recognising that I have all of these voices

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inside of my head, or that that there are these different parts

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of myself. And one of the things I talk about quite a lot in my

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work is nuance and holding more than one truth. And if I the

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first person that I needed to be able to hold more than one truth

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for was myself, how can I possibly hold one more than one

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truth for my mum, or for some difficult stuff that I've been

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through or out in the world? Generally, if I can't first

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acknowledge that there are multiple truths and multiple

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perspectives even within me. Does that make sense to you? Oh,

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that makes total sense. Yeah. And ifs, we would call that self

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leadership or in DBT, it's dialectics. And I think with ifs

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and parts work, because you're accessing your parts, it's so

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apparent that there's so many different worlds that can exist

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in one emotional experience. And it's like once you start a

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tuning to that, it becomes easier to pick up on parts and

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other people and just realise, okay, this isn't the full them.

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They're in a defence right now and I can give them grace for

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that.

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Do you feel like this is again when I was when I was young and

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I used to look at adults, I really believed that there was

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this like binary line, that one day I would cross and I would go

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from being a child to being an adult. And I remember in high

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school, I had a friend who had an older sister, and she had

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just gone to university. And I was like, Oh, she's such an

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adult. And she must have been about 80. I am 43. And I'm yet

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to find that place where all of a sudden, I tripped from being

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like, a young person or from being an innocent or whatever,

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to being an adult. Did you have that belief when you were

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younger?

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Yeah. And just listening to you talk about it. I'm like, okay,

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good. I'm 33. And I haven't found that line yet. I'm not the

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only one.

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So the more I do this work, and the more I you know, work with

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different modalities and investigate and all of that. I

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don't think like my definition of what an adult is, has

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changed, fundamentally, because I don't think that that line

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exists. I don't think it's binary. I don't think it's like,

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child at all. Right. And that's, I guess, for me, that's one of

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the ways that integrating parts, looking from different

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perspectives, having these different kinds of conversations

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is really helpful, because we can look at being a healthy,

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happy, reasonable person, human, rather than always being about

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like, highest self, or adult or, you know, those kind of pedestal

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old versions.

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Right? Exactly. That really resonates with me, because I

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think there can be this binary understanding of like, being

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immature or acting young versus being an adult. And the way that

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I look at it now is, when I'm in my adult awareness are in this

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place of self. I'm in touch with everything that came before

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that's alive in this current experience. And I'm always going

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to have young parts, I'm always going to have adolescent parts.

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And the older I get, the more I see them. And I'm like, Oh, this

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is my, you know, just actually, before I logged on here with

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you, I had a little tiff with my husband, because he was dragging

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his feet out the door, and I had like a little temper tantrum

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moment. It's like, okay, this is my 13 year old part that is

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nervous about this conversation wants to have her way the way

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she wants it. And I think like adulting is really just learning

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to spot those parts and meet them where they're at and fulfil

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their needs in ways that they may not have been fulfilled

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before, especially in instances of trauma. Yeah,

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I love that. But one of the reasons I try and put real

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language to it also is that when people say, Shadow Work, or they

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say we parenting work, or they talk about in a parts

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integration for the average person that can feel really

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jargony, right, and really therapeutic and so far from

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them. And I do think those spaces and that work, and having

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something very outlined is beautiful, and wonderful and

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important. And I think a lot of us have potentially done more

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than we give ourselves credit for. Yeah. Do you see that?

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I do. And you just said, Sit with what you're saying. Because

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I really, I really appreciate the way that you think. And

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you're kind of outlining that. And I'm just seeing also like

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the nuance and holding both perspectives where to as like an

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ifs therapist, I'm trained in this and I love concepts. I love

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language. I love the jargon sometimes. But then there also

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are parts of me that care deeply about making things relatable,

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which is why I've always like had a social media platform, and

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I want to meet people where they're at. And I think

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sometimes we can, we can become overly attached to and

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overcomplicate these concepts that are really just part of the

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natural human experience, which is, you know, we're always

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carrying the past with us, we're always carrying that forward.

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And there's always an opportunity in the present

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moment to kind of, like transform or transmute that and

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that's self actualization to me not to take this into a whole

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other conversation. And I don't know if I answered your

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question, but that's what it

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really did. And for me, like self actualization is adulting

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like, it's the purpose of of all of my work of why we would

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bother, like, why would we go into this place? Like why would

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I continue dialoguing with my inner two year old who I've been

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mostly telling to hurry up and like or run away? Right like why

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would I ever find the time to just love her and hardware and

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like be with this part, unless there was self actualizing like,

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there has to be some kind of carrot for a some kind of reward

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that we talk to, and think in in in some jesting that or like

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saying it, I'm actually thinking of a particular client, who I've

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been working with for a long time. And who then came very

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excitedly to session one day to say that she was about to spend

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a lot of money with somebody to do some shadow work. And that

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was like, you know, we've been doing Shadow Work for like, X

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amount of time. And I, and it's that it's that like, some times,

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there is a I have definitely in my life worked with and done

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processes in a really sacred really outlined really contained

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way. With professionals. My dad's a registered

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psychotherapist, I've always done that I really appreciate

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people who have certifications, all of that. And I also think

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there is little pieces of everyday Shadow Work, little

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pieces of integration work that doesn't need to be a big deal,

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right?

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Yes, oh, I just want to like jump up in my seat that

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resonates with me so much. And just to speak to one of my

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professional experiences. So I work. I'm a trauma addiction

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relationship therapist trained in ifs, but I work in

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residential treatment for people struggling with substance use

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disorders, right. And at the beginning of this particular

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job, I would consult with ifs, programme directors, certified

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therapists, etc. And at one point, I met with an ifs

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therapist who told me you really can't be doing ifs in that

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setting, you can't be doing pure or real ifs. Because in

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residential treatment, there's a lot of dual roles that

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clinicians hold. Like I work with a client differently in

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that setting than I would in private practice, or I wouldn't

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have coaching container, I have access. It's a multidisciplinary

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team, there's different regulations for the place, I

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won't go into details. But the point being I realised at that

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point that like specialisation and depth is really important,

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but so is integration. And so is like if your model isn't able to

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work with a diverse amount of people and really like meet them

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where they're at and appreciate those small moments, then I

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don't find that to be a functional model or a robust

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model. And I don't think that's the truth of ifs, I think that

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was actually a therapist part coming up that was speaking for

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something that they felt in relationship to the model. But

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anyway, I think that we can put this emphasis on parts work

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Shadow Work, integration work, and make it this big thing, when

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really it could be like, I'm going to write in my journal and

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talk about what's coming up for me. And that's actually a way

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for me to access my system, or, you know, I'm gonna get on a

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podcast and like, have a really engaging dialogue. And like this

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is kind of parts work in a way because it's meeting one of my

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parts where it's at, and there can be something deeply creative

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and expressive about it. And not just like this in this really,

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internal trauma work, which I, there is a use for that. But

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it's not the only use or expression.

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It's really nice and really refreshing, I think, too,

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because again, that's holding, like a bigger perspective,

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right? Like, it's for me, there are times in and using a model

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and a clinician basis or in a clinic setting is totally

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different from having that awareness within yourself using

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it with your own two year old around yourself so that you

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don't actually you know, end up mirroring a two year old and can

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hold that space for them. That's a totally different thing. And I

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think sometimes we put these things just in this in like a

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particular setting or a particular place. And for me,

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mastery is like, so what, what are the implications and

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applications of us doing this work anyway? Right? Like, what

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is the legacy of it? How do we go further than that? And in

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one, you know, I said to you, I really want you to come on and

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and I want to talk about relationship, and I wanna talk

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about invalidation. And I think it's, I think what I'm trying to

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say, is imaginer, the next generation grew up with some of

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this being so natural, that they didn't have this deep inner

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validation wound that I see more and more young people having

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every single day. And potentially, we found it easier

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or they will things that we could do now that would make it

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easier for people to relate. Yeah,

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I mean, that would be beautiful. Such an idea best.

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But the difference between, like medicine like preventative and

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cure medicine, right? It's like I want to be offering both at

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the same time. You know, and I knew about the conversation that

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you had with that therapist, right they are really in a in a

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treatment and place. But I feel like we can do preventative care

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and treatment at the same time. Right? Exactly. So let's take

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this to relationship stuff. And in a validation, like for you,

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even though even if I'm saying universalization, like, what

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does that mean to you in a kind of everyday terms? Like how, how

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do we? How does How do you see people coming in or in life who

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could really do with some work around? I mean, in my wild, it's

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like, not looking outside of them constantly for validation.

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But just so we're on the same page about what it is that we're

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talking about. Yeah.

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So I think your definition fits really well, my working

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definition of inner validation. And to use parts language, I

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would say, it's the ability to acknowledge your cards and

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acknowledge what's happening in your system. And Richard

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Schwartz, the founder of ifs, you described self leadership as

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being the primary caretaker of your system. And so in a healthy

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relationship, of course, we're going to outsource sometimes

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we're going to borrow our partner self energy, we're going

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to borrow their calm autonomic energy, and that's part of

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healthy relationship. But you don't want to rest on that.

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Because the reality is, nobody can give you perfect attunement

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all the time, even if they want to, they won't, because

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circumstances of life don't allow for that. And then I think

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inner validations important for everybody. But I also think it's

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especially important for people who have experienced trauma,

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because trauma inherently disrupts that connection to your

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internal experience. And so there's going to be a fractured

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disconnect, that needs repairing. And part of that

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repairing is learning to just allow your experience to be what

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it is and have awareness of it. And also for people, which I

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think might align with some of your interests. But people who

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are neuro complex or neuro divergent, whatever term kind of

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feels aligned for people in that category, because oftentimes, I

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mean, if you even look at research in the last several

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decades, like, there are people in Now in this generation being

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diagnosed with things like autism, and ADHD, who completely

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flew under the radar for 234 or five decades. And so they've

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had, they've never had their processing style, like

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acknowledged on the outside. And so if we can become skilled and

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knowing like how we think how we organise information, how we

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assemble it, how we express it, then we have more of an

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opportunity to form relationships that feel

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nourishing, which sometimes can put us in educator roles in our

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relationships, which isn't fun. But I also think like we have a

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responsibility to our system to do that.

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I love everything you just said, as someone who went under the

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radar for four decades, the reason for that actually is

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because I grew up in a household where without using this

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language, but interoception and somatic experiencing and my own

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experience, and my autonomy, and my sovereignty were honoured

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every single day. And so I never knew that I was different, or

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there was nothing, never anything wrong with that. And

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because the people around me, the adults around me, always,

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always lived under the assumption that everybody's

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experience was different. What was hard was school and work and

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mainstream society, right? Where I was just constantly wrong. And

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so I had these two parts, these two truths. And I carry that

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with me into the work that I do now and the way that I live my

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life, right, that we, that there has been a huge piece of work

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for me around, first of all recognising and doing my own

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inner leadership work and then stopping being a constant

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educator for everybody in my life and being like, no, no, I'm

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gonna look after me. Right? And that's, that's what I have. I'm

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gonna stop trying to be responsible for everybody in the

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world and model instead of teach potentially.

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Right? Yeah. And also knowing giving yourself permission to

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not do that is part of inner leadership and recognising like,

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if I know my truth and I know my experience, I don't have to I

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don't have to share that with anybody else or help them

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understand that process if I don't want to or if it's not

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right for me.

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Yeah, I think that's what they call giving no facts on the

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internet, right? Like that whole thing of like, and my clients

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will have will have heard me say you do you boo, right. Like for

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me, there's this place where I suddenly get to where it is calm

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where it never used to be where I was still somewhere seeking

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approval. I didn't know that. And again, I really a different

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initiate for myself between self approval and self acceptance.

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And I had no idea that I was looking for, even in this kind

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of integration piece. And in this investigation piece that I

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was looking for self approval, and the shift from that into

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self acceptance for me, was the piece that really allowed me to

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have this inner validation that we're talking.

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Yeah.

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But I have no idea how I did it. If other people are like, Yes,

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but how, how do you do this? How do we move into a place of

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maturity and no validation? Any any insights?

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Well, I actually have a follow up question with that. But I'm

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wondering as well. So do you, do you think any piece of that has

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to do with with being neurodivergent because I find,

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too, that at least I'll speak for myself, like I have ADHD,

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it's like, I used to think some of the the parts of me that I

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really struggled with, I needed to change them or like, If only

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I could figure out how to. If only, they could be a little bit

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different than I could meet certain goals, and everything

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would be okay. And it's like the older I get year by year, I

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relaxed into myself. And I realise, for example, like, I'm

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always going to ideate, I'm always going to have a million

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projects in diverse fields that I'm somehow going to tie

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together. And that's just part of how I find meaning in life.

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It's part of how I exercise this, like intellectual

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restlessness. And that part doesn't need to change. But it

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gets easier to just identify that within myself. So I feel

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like even if you're not actively working on yourself, if you're,

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I don't know, even if you're not actively working on yourself,

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just by being with you for X amount of time, you're going to

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become more skilled at being with you. So do you, do you

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think any of that just has to do with either the natural process

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of ageing or being neurodivergent?

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I have no thing else to compare it to. But what I but what came

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up for me, as you were saying that is I had a conversation, I

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have had many, many conversations with my dad who

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likes to have conversations and likes to think in the same way

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as I do. And there are other people in my family who do not

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need or have any desire to think and contemplate and philosophise

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anywhere near as much as the pair of us, right. And that is a

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part of me that I love. It's a part of me that I enjoy. And

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when I hit what sometimes when people take ADHD meds, for

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example, that bit goes and it's really sad for people, right? So

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there is, for me part of this journey is learning who you are.

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And learning to love and accept the parts that you love and

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accept and change the parts that you don't or accept them. And

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that journey of like, which bits do I want to change and which

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bits are just, you know, okay, actually, that that's life? I

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don't think that I think that's the point of living, right? It's

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I think the point of living is to is the journey. And the

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conversations I have with my dad, he's loves to tell me you

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like hooks up he likes to he actually said you'd like to put

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things in boxes. And I'm like, No, I need hooks, and baskets,

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right? Like I just need to have I'm like, oh, that fits with

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that that fits with that. Things need to make sense to me, there

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needs to be some kind of an order. And what my diagnosis did

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for me was given me a category that had been missing, right?

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Like this is massive internal filing system. And I had done so

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much work on myself and go, that belongs there that belongs there

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like right. And then there was this kind of odd sock drawer of

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stuff that I'm like, I see no model for this. I don't

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understand it. It makes no sense to me. It's confusing me. Then I

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got my diagnosis, which is a dual diagnosis of ADHD and

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autism. And so essentially all of these odd socks were like

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Ebony's contrary quirks. And now I'm like, oh. And there's a new

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filing system like someone's like, old this cabinet. So one

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cabinet and inside of me. And now all of those things that

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have nowhere to go have somewhere to go. And so there's

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a level of acceptance and a level of like, beef on the

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inside that comes from that. Yeah,

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yeah, that makes so much sense. And I think what you're speaking

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to, not to generalise it but I think for a lot of people

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getting diagnosed or like having a late diagnosis, it can be

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really freeing and impact Alright, because it is like this

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missing component. And then when you have it, it connects a lot

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of different dots and sort of expands the picture right

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100% And I'm fine for that to be a generalisation. I think

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there's also a piece of grief. There's also but like this is

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true of any change, right? And so for me, the other framework

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that I lean on his human design, and understanding that I'm a

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manifesting generator has given me a huge amount of acceptance,

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because I'm like, well, and this is why I do human design for

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Neuro divergence, because I can see where certain operating

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system quirks play out in each individual persons design. And

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so for me, rather than it being something I want to medicate or

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eradicate, when we can bring those things into balance, and

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when they're working in alignment, then it's just an

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operating system, I actually think it's part of evolution,

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you know, and it's the world that needs to change and not us,

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the world is not fit for purpose. It's got all of these

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antiquated systems days of the week, nine to five, like all of

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these structures, the need for people that don't exist anymore,

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like we've evolved. And so every the world outside of us, needs

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to evolve. And as I'm saying that and like talking to you,

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I'm like, well, that then has some kind of correspondence for

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this inner validation, right? Because the world out there is

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changing so fast. Right? You think about the amount that has

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changed in our lifetime, I sometimes like to remind myself

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that the television didn't exist when my dad was a child, and he

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is not that much older than me. Right? Like, that's insane for

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that amount of like change in in humans lifetime. And so for us

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to be validating ourselves on stuff on the outside, that's

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changing so fast, is actually crazy. It makes much more sense

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to trust what's going on in here surely,

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right to work with your system? Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of

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server wind back what you're saying a little bit. This is,

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this is making me think of when I was describing self leadership

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or inner validation, and the importance of it when it comes

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to neuro complexity or neuro diversity. And I think a lot of

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that this is just my own, like, personal opinion. But I think

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there's always going to be that tension between our internal

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system and the world around us. And I'm such an idealist, too.

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I'm an ENFP, and a generator. And like, I, I live for ideals.

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And like, I'm always optimistic toward that and have like a lot

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of integrity with with that. But with that being said, I think

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that tension is always going to exist, we're not I don't know,

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if perfect balance and harmony is possible with things outside

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of us at any given time. I think we strive for that. But my

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experience is a psychotherapist, and just like walking through my

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own life is that there always is that tension there. And, but I

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think, I think you maximise the chances of harmony when like

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you're okay in here. And I think also, to rewind it back to

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talking about my experiences in residential treatment. And with

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the clinical medical model. I've like had this tension in my

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career where my background is for 10 years, I was a yoga

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teacher, and I taught Sanskrit and I go to different studios

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and implement different programmes. I had a studio

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briefly before COVID, and kind of came from this free spirited

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way we placed and realised I wanted to do certain kinds of

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work with people that at least in the states required certain

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kinds of training licences, etc. And I've often contemplated

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actually, just pursuing coaching with ifs since the model speaks

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to me so much. But I recognised that in choosing that I would

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leave a large number of, I would leave a large number of people

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without access to certain things of the model, certain parts of

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the model. And so this is a very long winded way of me, I guess,

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sharing that I've had this tension as a therapist for a

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long time. I think I'm gonna live with it for the rest of my

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career, because I'm up against the clinical medical model. And

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there are parts of that model that are very harmful, that have

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historically been harmful, and I believe actively, in some ways

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do cause harm. For example, in the DSM we still don't have an

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actual diagnostic category for C PTSD, even though it's

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recognised by the World Health Organisation. So the clients

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displaying certain symptoms will slap them with a personality

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disorder diagnosis, which doesn't give them access to

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certain kinds of trauma therapies and whatnot. But

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learning like how to speak for my needs professionally. And

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also learning how to operate in that space of tension has been

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really impactful. I don't know what more to say about it, but

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somehow that's connecting with what you're

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seeing is it's so it's so so important, right? Because in the

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work that I do in the in the way that I work with what I call the

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value filter, which really is like this internal compass, and

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it's a tool for interoception, for people who have Alex's Mia

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or who are like, I don't have feelings, or I can't, you know,

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or my proprioception is really bad, or whatever it is, or who

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don't even have any of those intellectual thoughts, because

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they haven't lived in a world where that's a possible

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possibility for them. Right. One of the things that I do is I

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work with static and dynamic energies, I work with feminine

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and masculine energies, or whether we call that yin and

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yang or sun or moon warrior healer, right, so we've got

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these different tones or qualities of energy within us.

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And polarity, or friction, or conflict or tension is what

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creates growth. It's what changes the world, it's part of

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the like, oh, in the one hand, we've got like this, this this

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fire, right, this active arrow, singular focus, and then we've

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got this like, womb like Uber's energy of the feminine, right

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and together, they create beautiful attraction, or like,

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horrific conflict sometimes, but that's where then we get into

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like conception and birth and also death and rebirth, right?

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Like the really Carly Mar energy that is really pushed away from

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polite society, like no one wants to see that bit of

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destruction, before the new comes through, or the like

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really, really barren landscape that or that integration period,

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or any of those things. And so I think, doing this work, having

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these conversations allows us to hold a whole universe within us.

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That means that when we face conflict, or when we flake face

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situations that are uncomfortable or that we don't

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agree with or the trigger is in some way, there's a some

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language for it some capacity for it, and some spaciousness,

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maybe. Exactly.

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That's so well said, I just want to underline that and put a

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period at the end of that and make that the whole title of

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this episode. What you just said.

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No idea what that was. But yes, that. Okay, before we do

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actually wrap it up and move in to a lighthearted I say light

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hearted, light hearted, I around within the patron parlour. I'm

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Scott asking some really nosy questions. Is there anything

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else that you want to talk to have the kind of the theme of

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what it is that we've been talking about?

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Just that I think I would expand upon what you just said, with

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the spaciousness, the ability to be with the tensions of the

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pairs of opposites builds capacity, I think there's

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something deeply creative about that. And that process can also

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be one that offers grace. And sometimes it is messy when we're

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connecting with certain tensions or certain archetypes, or

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certain energies in our life, like the nature of it is it

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might feel chaotic. But if we allow that chaos, it can be a

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process of grace and calm and ease. And that's sort of how I

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see maturation and adulting is that, you know, if devastation

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visits me in my life, crisis visits me in my life, I have my

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parts don't activate as much around it. It's like, of course,

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I'm going to grieve, of course, I'm going to be scared. But like

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that ability to kind of soothe myself by naming what is there.

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And that's really kind of like, the message I want to offer with

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ifs and parts work is it's not necessarily doing this abstract

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inner dialogue and work where you go down and find like your

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biggest deepest trauma like that can be part of it. But it also

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can just be a very gentle, intuitive process, you know,

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you're doing parts work, like I said, if you're journaling, if

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you're speaking for your experience, if you're being with

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yourself, and I just want to make sure that listeners know

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that they can access that where they are right now.

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Thank you for that me too. And I and I think the point of my

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desire for to have this conversation is so that there

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are I believe a lot of people who are in my audience in my

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sphere and maybe in yours as well, who have a kind of

Speaker:

philosophy or sensation or belief, a way of living life you

Speaker:

have animus and everything right? Everything like I speak

Speaker:

to flowers and the moon and like there's this animus energy,

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right? And if you are one of those people and you've enjoyed

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this conversation, the likelihood is that ifs and parts

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work is a model that is going to work for you because there are

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so many talking therapies that have been wasted my life.

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Whereas if we're somebody who has these multiple parts anyway

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and recognises them and has access to that, I think it's a

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really super powerful tool. And I absolutely you can come, it's

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built into all my programmes and all, but a very, in a very kind

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of, I won't tell you, you're eating a vegetable, it's kind of

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a way. And if there is something specific that you want to work

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on, you know, please go and work with Sarah, I have spent a lot

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of time looking at her website, reading her articles, you know,

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feeling and her energy. And I think it's really important in

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this day and age to have recommendations and to have

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like, Nuance within us of like, who would I go to if I want to

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actually do a piece of work on this or, you know, around that.

Speaker:

So, yeah, I just wanted to share that as well. And get all of

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your links and information in the show notes so that they're

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really really easy for people to click through to. But if people

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want to come and follow you, where's the best place to come

Speaker:

and say, Hey, or see what you're up to? Yeah, so

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Instagram, my handles at Sarah and therapy and without the E.

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Perfect Well, like I said, I'm gonna make sure all the links

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are there. Thank you so much for just coming in having a free

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flowing conversation with me it means a lot.

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Now it's my pleasure. Thanks for your thoughtful questions and

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dialogue. I really enjoyed it.

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This has been editing with ebony, I've been Evany you've

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been great. Thank you so much for all of your support. Please

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keep listening, liking, rating and sharing so that more people

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can enjoy and engage with us. If you want even more of me and

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more importantly, even more of you in your world. Take the next

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step become a patron and even Haven member get your free human

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design chart or or your compass aka the value filter. To begin

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your lower go to www dot ebony allied comm forward slash

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welcome more and I will see you next.

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About the Podcast

Adulting with Ebonie
Your weekly dose of introspection and contemplation on what it means and takes to be a conscious, creative adult with a misfit mind.
Adulting with Ebonie is the weekly podcast that brings together Neurodiversity, Human Design and Embodiment so that Gen X or Millennial Misfits (and late-diagnosed Neurospices) become empowered, embodied and fully expressed. Where I actively encourage you to feel your feelings rather than think them, glow up not grow up and become full of yourself, because who the f*ck else should you be full of? Each week I have real and raw conversations about what it takes to be fully resourced and have happy healthy intimate relationships as a dopamine-deficient adult wanting to create a better future by being the change you want to see in the world.
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About your host

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Ebonie Allard

Ebonie (Alchemy) Allard is a Modern Mystic, a Misfit turned Maven, an Award winning International Master Coach, Certified in Human Design and mBit (Multiple Brain Integration Technique) an Author, Artist and Speaker.

Professionally: She’s the creator of The Misfit to Maven Way, The Value Filter™ system and ‘The AWE (Adulting with Ebonie) Podcast.’

Using a wide range of both ancient and modern medicine she facilitates Self Actualisation in self-selected weirdos and neurodivergent beings.

Her work is specifically focused on empowerment, embodiment & full self-expression.

She shares her wisdom in online courses, intimate retreats and bespoke 1:1 experiences.

Personally: She's a pussycat slash mermaid - when she’s not working you’ll find her splashing about in the sea, curled up in a sunny spot or off chasing a rainbow.